Off Beat News, Notes, Happenings, and Fun Stories

Carollo Burke, a wire reporter, was pleased to announce the recent news in the off beat news industry. “I’m pleased to report that technological advances by Nichol Jasper INC have created a much higher degree of efficieny in operations. This means big profits for most off beat news related companies and their subsidiaries” Nichol Jasper continued with a complete analysis, including some raw data that was mind blowing: “Output of off beat news related products will nearly double, overhead will decrease by 1/3, and employee salaries will increase by 15%.” Investors won’t be the only ones reaping a profit from these latest developments. The research and development company Alyse Himmel INC, which did most of the work on creating this new technology, will get a huge payoff as it auctions its products off to off beat news industry heavy weights. Iruegas Kundtz, President of Alyse Himmel INC, had this to say: “To keep things fair for all parties, we’re going to begin a general auction for our new products within 30 days. Anyone who wants in - and we know that almost everyone does - will have an opportunity to bid on the product. First dibs go to the top 3 companies, who will enjoy a 90 period free of competition from other off beat news entities. Once this period expires, other companies can access our new technology and use it as they see fit.” Although the off beat news news was received well by most, their was some concern at the local 359 labor union. Many organized labor groups become weary with new technological advances, since this tends to spell the end for human labor, especially in the off beat news market. “Our fingers are crossed that corporate execs will honor all current contracts and not fire anyone,” said Union leader Arnoldi Rodero, “and if all contracts are solid, we’re willing to negotiate with management at an appropriate time in the future to make sure our interests are being satisfied.” The union has been apart of the off beat news sector for some fifteen years, and commands strong loyalty and respect from its members. In addition, there was speculation that increased trade in the off beat news sector would create a larger market in the USA, and keep dollars within the country. Reporter Diekmann Sims was researching this angle, and believes that the recent news means more money for USA based off beat news companies and their subsidiaries. Said Diekmann Sims, “For the past five years, there has been a noticable trade imbalance between the USA and other nations working within the off beat news market, particularly in operations and human capital. The recent advances, however, will help mend this rift and keep more dollars on-shore. I expect to see demand for labor increase in the long run, with additional long run profits for strong off beat news USA companies that move forward.” Bunny Lyken Corp, which is based down town, also released plans to expand its building into the old Chantay Faiella Mercantile Shop, which has been vacant for about a year now. Said CIO Karie Eichman, “The recent news in the off beat news industry means big things for us, including the need to expand our physical building and operations. We’ll be able to hire an additional, and much needed, 100 new employees who will help push our efforts forward. This is going to be great!” Reaction from the market regarding the news in the off beat news sector was positive overall. Stock from key companies, such as Estrada Juncker Corp., Thillet Cluff and Partners, and Claudie Plate LLC all saw dramatic increases in share value. Each of these companies uses important off beat news technology in its general operations, and the news of advancements has spurned more venture capitalists to invest and make some quick cash. “This is a huge opportunity for everyone,” said Algire Thronton, a day trader at the Lovely Wickings INC firm, which also manages a series of hedge funds in the off beat news sector. “I predict stocks will rocket to 30% increases, settle, and finally creep their way up to 52 week highs.” “This is the biggest story of my career,” said Steffani Ruuska, a reporter for “The Globe”, a state wide newspaper with the best circulation rates, “I’m getting calls from off beat news industry executives, investors, and general employees all asking about what is going on, and if they can provide information for the news agency. Of course, they want their names mentioned so that a little publicity is given to their particular off beat news company, but it does save me from hunting these people down and taking interviews.” Other reporters breaking news stated that finding interviewees was no trouble at all, since the need for publicity in the industry is very high. Reporters were scurying around to every off beat news industry exec they could find to get the scoop on the lastest developments. Retterbush Huertas, who writes for economics publication “The Jacobowitz Rohleder Journal” was busy waiting for an exclusive talk with COO Egge Holdsworth of the Danna Yochum and Sons company. Danna Yochum, who has been the most outspoken and technology savvy off beat news industry exec, plans a vast period of ramping up company operations, hiring, and investment. Other reporters also learned of plans to acquire another off beat news related out-of-state company, alhtough this tip came from an anonymous source who did not wish to face charges of insider trading.

“We’ve slowly moved away from check processing to credit card sales,” said salesperson Algire Thronton, who works on the staff of Gitthens Ewig and Noelle Aharon LTD, “mostly because check processing takes days, and credit cards are almost instant. Further, if the check bounces, and we’ve sold a off beat news product, it can take a month to track down the delinquent account holder and get our money back. With credit cards, its up to the respective bank to come up with the money.” Indeed, the days of sending checks in the mail may be over, especially as internet sales of off beat news related products continue to boom. Lapolla Bystrom, assistant chairperson of the off beat news industry oversight committee, believes that top payment solution www.Paypal.com may soon face stiff competition from media giant Google and/or Microsoft. “Look, as I see it,” stated Lapolla Bystrom, “we’ve got three players all vying for the same market: search, buy, and process. Google and Microsoft have the software and search technology, while Paypal boasts the most friendly payment processing online. All the same, Google would probably prefer to vertically consolidate this process under their control, while hopefully avoiding anti-trust and/or monopoly issues.” Guedea Hudec, Vice President of Customer Relations for mega-company Worthing Ardner INC recently stated that payment solutions are needed more and more as customers flock to the internet to make purchases online. “Essentially, we want fast processing, but also very secure processing. Customer confidence is extremely important in the off beat news industry, and we aim to be one of the top businesses in this market. In order to do that, business transactions must be clean,” added Asst VP Peppler Difeo. The company also plans to bolster offline payment solutions as well. As the internet continues to build and advance, more and more retailers are demanding viable payment solutions for selling their off beat news wares online. Payment online is not as easy as it looks: security, credit checks, and balance inquiries have to be made in seconds, so that the merchant can be assured they will get their money, and the customer can be assured they will get their off beat news purchase. “Younger folks are practically born with credit cards nowadays,” said Ronca Plantier, a payment solution market engineer with the Soledad Henrichs Firm and Partnership, “and are also practically built into the internet. It’s second nature to them, unlike those in older demographics who have more money to purchase off beat news items, but choose to do offline.” “I love shopping for off beat news stuff online,” stated Camie Trezza University student Lakes Buchko, “because I have a student credit card that allows me to make internet purchases. Without it, I’d be paying double or triple for my books at the school bookstore, whereas online, I can find books second hand for a third of the price.” Many other students shared this sentiment, are were generally grateful for the trust that credit card companies put in them. As the internet continues to grow, better and faster processing will evolve. Rosalind Consigli, author of the blockbuster book “E-Business by 2014″ believes that eventually there will be a form of “i-cash” that freely flows between customers and merchants online. Stated Rosalind Consigli, “Movement towards a personal cash card NOT credit card, is starting to begin. When that day arrives, payment processing for those looking to buy off beat news stuff will be extremely easy, reliable, and very fast.” Further information regarding new payment processing methods for the off beat news industry can be found at www.Razer Talmadge.com, an international authority on internet commerce. The website also has a great list of trusted e-wallets that have open membership for anyone in the world, given a bank account and access to credit card. “I’m excited to be starting up this new e-wallet,” said Sierra Primos, CEO of Sierra Primos LLC, “because we’ve noted a huge demand for off beat news transactions online. In order to meet this demand, we’re going to need high end IT and fresh programming platforms. With these two elements teamed together, we believe we can provide payment solutions for off beat news companies and many others.”